Trust in the Lord. this is what i have to learn right now..Trust in Him.

11:38 PM

i feel screwed up..screwed up in 22 years of my life. its first time i feel i cant pass a damn exam. this is bad..im in my final year. if i screw this up, i cant graduate on time..im scared..

last night,after jogging, i went to mary's shine. i knelt in front of her, for the first time, praying and thanking her for guiding me through the years..and asking ffor her grace and foregiveness to let me pass this paper. i never felt so scared before, maybe because this is my final year. its so scary the though of failing this.

no matter what others say..i am not comforted at all. i feel so tired from the sleepless nights after this paper. sleeping at 2am waking up at 8am. this is definitely not me..i moment i wake up, the thought of this paper flushed into my head like an alvanche tumbling onto me..its heavy burden cross i have to carry till june when the results are released..

what i am so angry or disappointed about is this.. i studied damn hard for this paper, i did. but the questions were beyond the textbook/notes..something which im not familar with..but the other students had an upper hand due to their finance background. i am accountancy student taking a finance course. i love this course, coz it is interesting, and i decided to follow my heart in staying put in this course.. was it a wrong decision that i made? was it wrong move to follow your heart? please dear Lord, prove me wrong.. i prayed to you regarding if i should stay in this module.. and you guided me to stay on. i really hope i got your message correctly.

the more i type or recollect about the paper, the more heartbroken i feel. 40marks gone out of the window. not even method marks, because i got it all wrong from the start..the method i used is totally wrong. not even a sentence of working is correct. 70% final..70%. out of the remaining 30%. 10% attendence- which i will get. 20% quizz - best 5 out of 8 quizzes. i think i got 4. to get a passing grade : C..seems so tough for me.really.

please pray for me..the only hope i have now is God's Grace and mercy..

8:31 AM

sometimes life is a bitch..i really dont know what will happen next,really. im confused. at times i feel happy,blessed but i still feel alone. is it because we have been together for so long, that we forget how we actually came about? do you really still care or just too comfortable to think about us.

i need to be strong. focus on my studies ,its only 2 months more to go. get a good cert, enjoy my working life and see how things go. i cant commit now, its too dangerous. its not that i dont love you anymore, but i dont feel the love from you anymore..i feel that what you are doing is because you have been doing so for the last 4.5 years..it becomes a routine.

im trying very hard to heck care.

4:11 PM

i must practice self control.idiot.i spent another 42$ on a jumpsuit =XX now i cant get more masks for myself..nvm, i dont even need it since i still have like 8 pieces left.sucks to be a girl.

i cant be materialistic! think of holiday trips in may and june! and save money for house!! yes, im soon to be a working adult, i need to start thinking of my future..insurance payments and house. i dont want to grow up

10:49 PM

i need to start controlling my spending.. argh..i paid way too much this month =(

-convo ball:69$
asos dress: 69$
airticks : 289$
ocbc card remake:20$ (STUPID MEE). i didnt know that the max tries for atm password is 4. i kept trying and trying till the machine ate my card.idiot. and now i have to remake coz this card can be used overseas. TOOPID me

total :447$ in feburary alone. i feel like shooting myself.

7:31 PM

i was comtemplating if i shoul get this runched dress from f21..coz the length seemed a bit too short for my height. i thought for quite awhile due to the price and suitability of it. then i decided to get it through f21 spree. but but, so suay, OOS when the spree organizer ordered the item =(
so i guess im not fated to get the dress at all! im feel pretty happy coz im quite sure the dress is a bit too short for me =XX hehe..but i still wanted it coz it is actually quite prettty!

7:58 PM

i stopped buying blogshop clothes for very long coz i realise i usually dont wear them after like once/twice. then today when i came home, i saw a dress i really like on one of the sites. its the dress i wanted to buy at robinson but was retailing like 150$ ouch, but the material is better lah. i was 1 hour late in posting my orders..i hope it goes through. i doubt it will since its usually snapped up in 15 mins..seriously , the tax authorities such start taxing these super rich online shops. tax on the use of online space bleahh..these people are really rich man..their own cost is probably admin cost. come on, they use blog sites to post their items, which is FREEE. everythg free expect admin cost, the only operating cost is probably shooting cost and transport. most of them are rich enough to have their own cars. bbut its alll hard effort ,kudos to them!

i reallty hope to get the dress and not fall under the BO orders that prob only arrive in march? i wanna wear the dress for cny. im pathetic, i only managed to get 2 tops from vivo last friday. i scoured the whole f21 ,zara, rv,p&b,warehouse..mentally prepared to splurge like 200$ on a nice dress. but hell no, couldnt find one i like.like only k , not even love. i had to settle for 2 tops, both i honestly dont really love..but baby said they were nice..ok lah,since they were both very under my budget..

sigh....

10:06 PM

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