life is not perfect, we cant never have everything we want..thats why we make choices,sacrifices. i always wished i had everything, not in terms of physical items, but i wished i could study and play and yet do well and maintain good relationships with people whom i cherish. but it seems rather impossible to me.
for me, unlike some lucky ones, i cant juggle different aspects of my life well..i know of some who can go out like almost every weekend and yet do well in studies (maybe not exceptional well but well in their own standards). i always valued education..i never once thought that learning stops after graduation,thats how much i value it.
during secondary schl, i had a group of girlfriends that i was rather close with. we call ourselfs the miscibles..the group of us were the havoc of the school, we challenged each other in hokkien mee eating competition during lunch, we poured water from the top of the school building..and ask me if i miss their company , yes, i do.
after o levels, we departed our ways..due to my underperformance in o level ( i expected myself to do better), i was determined to put in my best effort in the future years. i felt that i could do much better. hence, i drifted apart from them.. i didnt turn up for our group outings because i felt if i did, my studies are at stake..they were very nice, never failing to continue informing me about their outings or eating escapades. and then..i failed to turn up for one of their farewell/birthday celebration, because i had a paper in a few days time. after which, they stopped asking me out. that whats the point where i realised, our friendship stopped.
do i regret? i am not sure really. but, if my studies wasnt as well, i would probably hated myself because i played too much. i have done well since o levels to where i am today,graduating in 0.5years time. do i miss them? yes i do. would i turn back time? i have no idea.maybe i wont because studies to me is just to important.
i was looking through at their fb accounts. i felt a tinge of jealous and envious..the way their celebrated each other's 21st, their travel photos to thailand etc etc. its like, why cant i have the same as well?
this brings me back to what happened a few days ago. i was bugging my bf on how long since we last strolled down the streets of orchard, and why is it whenever we meet up studies never fail to be nigging behind each of our minds. i am glad my bf understands how important education is as well, if not, i am sure conflict of interest.
on the other hand, i am glad i have my girls from jc- val tan,ming,leti and ale. though we seldom meet, or should i say rarely meet due to university commitments as well, i really cherish them. =) speaking of which, im going to book them during the coming recess week!
